Loving ourselves is the hardest thing to do. Why is this so difficult? Since birth, our minds, hearts and spirits have been both positively and negatively programmed and affected by others – parents, teachers, preachers, older siblings, friends, bosses and others. This post will hopefully give some reflection regarding the negative aspects within our lives and insights towards reprogramming them into ones that are positive.

In most instances, the aforementioned are people who we have had a high opinion of and looked upon with respect.  We have lived under their roofs and rules – listen to me, do what I say or else, don’t talk back, you’re not going to amount to anything, you’re useless, stupid, and the list goes on and on. We’ve been programmed to believe the many negative things said about or directed towards us. In coming into this world we are either welcomed with joy and happiness, oohs and aahs, or come into a very bad situation. There is no choice as to country, family, health or sickness. We cannot defend ourselves and are left at the will of others until we get to a certain age, usually mid-to-late teens. So many of the people in charge of raising us were programmed just like us when they were young. Many were never exposed to or learned the tools to reprogram themselves, while many others have the tools, but have never taken the time to make changes in their lives.

The people who are responsible for inflicting their pain and misery on us are in many instances unaware of their own negative and destructive behavior. The good news is, we all have an opportunity to change – to reprogram ourselves.  Despite the bad breaks we’ve encountered and/or negative characteristics we’ve acquired during our lives, the vicious and hurtful cycle of faulty programming can be changed and ended.

Those persons who have had people to nurture them, make them feel special, loved, and secure and told they could accomplish anything they set their minds to, are indeed fortunate. These individuals are probably living wholesome, grounded lives, with minor kinks to work out.  But for those of us who were not as fortunate, well, we have a lot of work to do. So, when we make a break for it, whether it’s leaving home for whatever reason and at whatever age – going off to college or just getting out of the house and living on our own, it’s time to seize the opportunity to undo most of the wrongs that have been done to us. The wonderful thing about humans is we have the capability, if we utilize the proper tools and learning, to take back the power from those who have controlled our thoughts and minds when we are young. Unfortunately, some of us are not that strong and end up in a bad place either physically, emotionally or both.

Reprogramming your life is certainly not an easy journey. However, once one recognizes and understands the damage and is ready to take on the task of change, then you’re on your way. As you initiate the process of peeling away the layers of faulty programming, you will begin to feel free – free to think, research, analyze, explore and heal. You can get on the right path to living a wonderful, healthy and productive life. Professional counseling can be helpful, so whenever and wherever possible, take advantage of these services. If, for any reason, you cannot afford counseling or choose not to take this route, then many of us must find other methods in order to figure out what’s wrong and focus on correcting some of the damage.

 

Here’s a project to help you launch the process of reprogramming yourself. To get started, you will need:

– Notebook or Journal

– Pencil with eraser(you might be erasing frequently) or good pen

– Patience

– Honesty

– Persistence

In your journal, draw three columns on a page – “Like“,”Don’t Like” and “Progress“.  Write down what you like and don’t like about yourself. Be honest. Take a look at the “Like” column and really absorb the good things about yourself; give thanks for having those good qualities. Examine the “Don’t Like” column. Don’t worry if the “Don’t Like” column is longer than the “Like” column – if it is, it will eventually get smaller as time goes by. Select one item from the “Don’t Like” Column and write it down on the next page with a note next to it: “In Progress” and add the date next to it. Whenever you want to gauge your progress, add the date and a note about your progress; exactly what changes you have made to positively affect your life. You want to actively and persistently work on the damaging issues, but don’t pressure yourself. 

Let’s say the item you chose was: “Stop making fun of other people.” Pause and think about it. Why do you do it? Have you done it all of your life or did it start at a particular phase in your life? Do you know anyone who does the same thing? Has anyone made fun of you? If so, how did you feel when it happened to you? Did it make you feel bad, angry, embarrassed at being made fun of in front of other people? When you make fun of other people, how does it make you feel? Does it make you feel happy, powerful or seemingly popular with others?  If you can pinpoint when it started, who did it to you, how it made you feel, then it’s a great start. You have identified the source. Even if you can’t pinpoint anything, asking the questions aloud will help you to look at the issue close up. If this is one of the things you don’t like about yourself and would like to put an end to it, try this simple exercise.

If you sense you’re going to make fun of another person, take a deep breath, let the air out slowly with a count of 10. Hopefully, this will help slow you down and make you think. When you make fun of people, you not only hurt them, but more importantly, you hurt yourself the most. You probably don’t even realize this, but take time to think about it. Whatever you throw out into the universe comes back at you at some point in ways you least expect – it’s like a boomerang. Some people who get hurt by others want immediate justice, but they may not witness it. The justice comes at some point down the road to that person and you may never know about it. Just know that no human can do harm to others and not pay a price for doing so.

At the end of your day, take out your journal and write down what happened during the day. Did you make fun of another person today? Did you take that deep breath before the words came out of your mouth?  If not, did you completely forget about it because of habit? Did you take the deep breath, thought about not doing it, but did it anyway? If so, why did you choose to embarrass, humiliate or bully the person? Did you immediately apologize to the person? If not, do you plan on apologizing at another time. Was the exercise hard to do? How well do you think you performed the exercise?  Write an honest assessment and then close the journal.  You have tomorrow and many other days to practice until you get it right.

You have the power to change the things about you that you don’t like. It will require some hard work, but just take one day at a time. We may not be consciously aware, but the bad programming and damage took many years to become embedded in our psyche. Hopefully, we have been given a full life-span on this planet with sufficient time to reprogram ourselves and fill them with wonderful, positive things!